Many people find it difficult to get their boundaries and to say no. Magazine Flow explains why that is and gives tips on how to be more no can say.
According to coach Bert van Dijk and author of the book Why not everyone me fun need to find someone who kind of wants to be themselves shortage. He says that you are not enough for your own interests, others always but to let go and you do everything with a smile says so the message does not happen.
“In the short term it may feel good to have your own interests even to the coat rack to hang”, says Van Dijk.
“But in the longer term produces the problems: you identifies you with something outside of yourself. And you are doing others also defect, because they get you things to see and to hear where they maybe could have,” adds he.
Much behavior is due to assumptions: things that you yourself are going to be fooled. “More often saying” no ” often starts with to see that you’re afraid to not be liked,” says labour – and organisational psychology Mieke Meulmeester.
“If you accept that not everyone you are kind and you were not nice hóeft to find, you can be easier for you to choose. That is not to say that you is based, but from there you can look further: what do I want, how I want to develop and where I want to go.”
The one is no more difficult than the other, but what they have in common is that it is a ‘no’ is that you value. Because: “say No ensures that you close to yourself remains,” says communicatiepsycholoog Susanne Piët.
“So you learn yourself better and know you have more respect for yourself. You will learn to first think about the content of the question, and therefore you realize better what you want. Eventually you do less things that you don’t want to: you think less often you have to do something because we should or because it’s fun.”
“We are terrified that the relationship between us and the other is disrupted as we sometime say no,” says professor of social psychology Roos Vonk. But slightly more often say no can actually be positive if you show that you’re involved in the other.
Spark: “Make contact and just be honest. See the another, say that you are terribly sorry that you can’t help and tell you what you’re doing. That is very transparent and brings understanding.”