Jong & Van Zin is publishing today a study of the attitudes, the subjective norms and the practices of Flemish young people between 16 and 18 years old about relationships, kissing and sex: ‘We have to dare to be uncomfortable to discuss”
‘Young people send nude photos of themselves around the world. Young people no longer dare naked showering. Young people are oversexed, and that is the fault of the media. Young people no longer know what is real and that is the fault of the porn.’
When it comes to sexuality, young people are wandering risks. That we learn. Of the media, and the opinions of the adults around us. Fearful adults. Because where is the youth of today going?
We see every day young people. And we talk with young people about love, heartbreak, the first kiss and the first time sex. About lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. About condoms and stds, about uncertainties and pubic hair.
We don’t understand it, all the stories about out of control, oversexed young people.
Jong & Van Zin
About weird or still feel this way. About pornography and flirting. Everything young people are doing. We are vormingsbegeleiders. We go to groups of young people and let them talk. In the first place, with each other and also with us.
Gone wild and oversexed
We do not understand. All those stories about ‘out of control, oversexed young people who are in a pornographic fictional world’. We cannot hear it in our training courses. Or still rarely.
Occasionally we see a young person who thinks that an average lovemaking session to be one hour and that a woman as bright ejaculates that the wallpaper each time, it must be replaced. But that is really the exception.
We have a naive view of young people? We ask the wrong questions? Do young people always desirable for in our training courses? We went on a research. 25 one-on-one interviews and 1152 conducted surveys among 16-to 18-year-olds later is the answer for us: “No, we think not’.
Flemish young people are conservative
Generally turn out young people are pretty conservative. Sex is supposed for the majority of young people in a relationship. Preferably in a serious relationship. The majority of young people believe in the true. Even though, they get people around their another example.
The majority of young people do only the things that they themselves are okay. Things that might not always be within our waardenkader fit, but also not hurt anyone.
Jong & Van Zin
More nieuwtijdse forms of relationships such as a one-night stand or “friends with benefits” are less reserved for the young people. But if they do choose, they do that consciously. Relationships, kissing and sex – that must be especially fun.
We want young people self-confident choices. Also in the area of relationships and sexuality. And it turns out that that for the majority of young people to succeed.
The majority of young people do only the things that they themselves are okay. Things that might not always be within our waardenkader fit, but also not hurt anyone. Not themselves and not their partners.
Conscious choices to learn to make
But we must not be naive: of course there are young people for whom this is not the case. Young people who are not resilient enough to no to dare to say. Young people who are not sufficiently informed about the consequences of their choices. Young people who have not learned what sexual behavior is acceptable.
And of course, there are situations in which choices are less aware. ies for example. Alcohol allows for vague boundaries and fuzzy memories. Also among young people. Kissing with someone you only know? Sober: no way! Drunk: can happen. Recognizable?
We need young people talk about how hard it is to say no, and sometimes even harder to unequivocally say yes.
Jong & Van Zin
It gives us an additional reason for young people to speak to. Not only to get them to explain where children come from, but especially about the moments that conscious choices is difficult.
About the time that your sexual partner is not condom to use, about the time when drunk at a party, an offer that gets you sober yet would not consider. We need young people talk about how hard it is to say no, and sometimes even harder to unequivocally say yes.
Taboo is not over yet?
Because we are still worried about it. Our research shows that young people do not know what their friends and their parents think about sex and kissing. That is weird. We are the taboo is not already over?
Initiatives such as the jongerengids, allesoverseks.be and the Doctor Bea show give a good starting point for children and young people about intimacy and sexuality to talk. But what we heard frightened reactions. That we are the children and young people turn on to have sex. That we are children no longer have children.
We do young people no favor by looking at them as a walking risk. We must dare to be uncomfortable to discuss.
Jong & Van Zin
Which is a shame. We call it ‘the penisprincipe’: what gets your attention grows. Many people think that talking about sex ensuring that young people have sex. On the contrary, talking about sex makes young people learn to talk about sex.
Also read: ‘sex education: ‘Where the clitoris is? Even adult men fit for that question”
We do young people no favor by looking at them as a walking risk. We do them no favor by intimacy and sexuality to eliminate from their lives. We do them no favor by our anxiety in social and traditional media.
We must dare to be uncomfortable to discuss and to make ourselves vulnerable. Young people waiting for adults to take the first step. We convert the fear and shame aside. You also?
Jong & Van Zin offers children, young people and their carers expertise about relationships and sexuality, group dynamics, resilience and bullying, purpose, choices and identity, begeleidingshouding and peersupport.