Plus-size model Tess Holiday graces the cover of Cosmopolitan, opens up about her mental health

Tess Holliday opened up about struggling recently with her mental health.

(Getty Images)

Plus-size model Tess Holiday revealed how she was able to get out of the “worst mental health condition of her life” and recalled the time that she was sexually abused in a recent interview with Cosmopolitan UK.

Holliday, 33, spoke to the newspaper about how she struggled with her mental health from 2017 until the spring of this year.

.@TessHolliday is our October cover star! She opens up about her mental health, lack of diversity in the sector, and how they eventually came to love itself

— Cosmopolitan UK (@CosmopolitanUK) August 30, 2018

“I remember very vividly in the car with Bowie [her son] and I thought to myself,” I wish I could just disappear. I wish I could disappear.’ It felt in that moment as I was the cause of everyone around me so much pain. It felt like a never ending black hole. I was so tired of the pain… I just didn’t want to be here no more,” Holliday told Cosmopolitan UK.


The model has been an outspoken advocate of body confidence after she created the #effyourbeautystandards campaign on Instagram. The model told the magazine she created the popular hashtag “out of frustration” and to take a stand against negative commenters.

“I have [the campaign] out of frustration,” she said, “I was angry and sad that people kept commenting on my photos saying, ‘You’re too fat to wear!” or ” Cover-up! No one wants to see that!’ And then one night I was lying in bed and thought, ‘F – – -!” So I posted a picture with four pictures of myself wearing things that fat women are often told that we ‘cannot bear’, and encouraged others to do the same.”

The model said, in terms of weight, she’s at her “heaviest” now than they ever had been, and said she “wanted” she loved herself early.

I apologize to everyone on 54th st, who saw my vagina while we took this photo – it was fresh! Wearing all @prettylittlething ?#effyourbeautystandards

A post shared by ? T E S S ? (@tessholliday) on Jul 3, 2018 at 8:38pm PDT

“I was an AMERICAN size 16 and 18 my entire life before I had Rylee [her son]. I look back on those photos now and I do not wish I was that size, but what I wish is that I held myself 120 pounds ago.

“I’m at the heaviest that I have ever had in my life now, and it took me the hardest is to finally love myself,” she continued.


The model also opened up about the fact that sexual two times by the same person, the Independent reported.

“The first time I went back to his room. I thought he was cute,” said Holliday of her attacker. “I was in him, but I didn’t want to have sex. He forced himself to me.”

“The first time I let him do it, but I was also told that I had no choice. And that is the reason why I did not know that the rape was. The second time I was in his living room and he started making moves on me. I didn’t want it to happen and said no again, but it happened again,” she continued.

Holliday has spoken about her sexual abuse in an Instagram post in October 2017, where she shared her #MeToo story.

#metoo I was terrified to talk about my rape in my book, but I knew that I needed to heal, and to hopefully also help others. For a long time that I didn’t even know that what happened to me was rape. I would often say, “well, I got myself in a bad situation” and I blamed myself. I was embarrassed, scared, and wish I would have known that it was ok to talk about it AND THAT IT is NOT MY FAULT. The only way things can change is by talking and sharing our stories. You are stronger and braver than you know. #notsosubtletess

A post shared by ? T E S S ? (@tessholliday) on October 16, 2017 at 2:22pm PDT

Kathleen Joyce is a breaking/trending news producer for You can follow her via @Kathleen_Joyce8 on Twitter.

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